Once upon a time in a far off land called Wally World, there was a chain of stores called Walmart. The leader of the business, a man named King CEO, was a man of great means. He had a nice house, a helicopter, and even a bomb shelter equipped with enough supplies for more than a year. He was well-respected by everyone who crossed paths with him and enjoyed many things that the commoners of Wally World didn't even know existed. Speaking of the commoners, thousands of them were employed as serfs in his stores. They worked hard, treated each customer as well as they could and did it for a small allowance of money that King CEO deigned to give them. The customers loved King CEO's stores because of the low prices that helped them live better. And because the lowly serfs always seemed relatively happy, they assumed that all was well in King CEO's kingdom.
But things were not well. The king, wanting to conserve his wealth, organized his kingdom so that the work of 10 people could be accomplished by only 3 or 4. The pay of the 3 or 4 would stay the same but they were required to accomplish the same amount of work. Some of the serfs were trained as cashiers. Their duties included greeting each customer, helping them check out with their purchases and bagging the items so as to make it easier to carry out to their various modes of transportation. In the early days of King CEO's reign, the bags were made relatively well and customers had the opportunity to choose between paper and plastic. The bags would occasionally tear but on the whole they were of a fairly high quality. As the years went by, though, the king desired to save even more money so he told his noble lords to decrease the bag quality so as to retain more of the kingdom's wealth. So they did. Then they did it again a few years later. Eventually, they did it so much that sometimes quantities of bags were delivered from the factories with defects that prevented them from being used. Even the customers began to hate the bags after a while. Some of them had experienced bags breaking in the parking lots or at home and food or other goods being ruined by falling. All was not well.
One day, a lowly cashier named Bob made his way to King CEO's palace to propose an idea to the wise monarch. He was cautiously ushered into the inner sanctum where King CEO sat enthroned on a grand throne made of recycled shopping carts dipped in liquid gold.
"Your majesty," spoke Bob.
"Yes, peasant?" replied King CEO.
"I have a wonderful idea, my lord. One that could increase both the luxury of our stores and the cost of operating."
"Have you? Let me hear it!"
"If my lord will permit me, I will show him a bag made of such fine quality and such extraordinary durability that it is absolutely invisible to anyone who is foolish."
"Show me!"
At this, Bob performed a flourish with his hands to present the so-called bag. Of course, there was nothing there.
"Now of course your majesty is not a fool so you can clearly see what wonderful fabric this bag is composed of and feel the thickness and durability of the material," said Bob as he placed the "bag" in the open hands of the king.
Not wanting to be thought a fool by this peasant, the king exclaimed, "By Jove! What a wonderful bag this is! How is it that I have never seen or felt a bag such as this yet? It must be very expensive!"
"Not at all, sire! As a matter of fact, I have found a factory that is willing to produce this bag for 10% less than the bags your stores are using now!"
"Great Scott! Order the factory to begin at once! Tell them that they will be the only supplier Walmart works with!"
"One more thing, your majesty!" exclaimed Bob.
"Yes? What is it?"
"We in your stores feel that the great honor of being the first customer to check out with such a wonderful bag should be you, our sovereign leader."
"I agree!"
"It will take about three days for the factory to produce as many bags as will be necessary to replace the bags being used now. So I propose that in 3 days, my Lord shall enter the Walmart store here in Benton-villia where national news crews will capture our gracious Sovereign being the first to use these magnificent bags."
"Wonderful! If you weren't a serf, I would make you second in command of the vast Walmart empire but as it is it would cause far too much scandal. So instead, I will award you one dress down day wherein you can wear any clothing you desire as long as it is not obscene."
"Thank you, sire! Oh thank you! Thank you so much! From the bottom of my heart! Oh my kind Lord!"
On this, Bob exited the royal pavilion and returned to save customers money so they could live better.
Three days later, the Walmart store in Benton-villia was far, far too crowded. Many film crews had arrived from both local and national news networks. It was around 10 am when King CEO appeared in the store. The first place he went was electronics. When they told him they didn't have any iPhones dipped in gold, he disappointedly walked to the grocery section and, on seeing the many flavors of yogurt, picked up many of them. Moving down to the pasta aisle, he suddenly got a craving for spaghetti and loaded his cart with many exotic flavors of sauce and many different jars of salsa. Finally, he bought all of the Ben and Jerry's pints in the ice cream section.
"Welcome, my lord, my liege!" exclaimed Bob as the king entered his line.
"Hello, young squire!"
"Did you find everything you were looking for today?"
"You didn't have iPhones dipped in gold. I was a bit disappointed."
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, my Lord! Methinks you should propose the idea to Congress. Perhaps they can legislate the release of such a product."
As each item was scanned, it was placed in the bagging area by Bob's agile hands. The king moved forward and began to load each "bag" into his cart. The moisture from the yogurt and ice cream, mixing with Bob's lotion which he applied abundantly, made the spaghetti and salsa jars fairly slippery. The entire order took about ten minutes to ring up while many customers and other serfs gazed on in wonder as the king slowly loaded each "bag" into his cart. Several times, a jar of tomato sauce or salsa slipped through the king's hands and smashed on the floor, soiling the king's pants. Bob would instantly say "What wonderful bags these are, aren't they, my king?" "By Thor, they're wonderful!" The serfs held their breath with each broken jar knowing that they could be liable to be terminated on the king's command. Finally, a little boy in one of the carts looked at his father, laughed, and said, "Why doesn't that silly man use bags?" On this, the serfs could no longer hold it in but busted out laughing. The king, humiliated, ran from the store as tomato sauce, yogurt, salsa and ice cream dripped from his legs and crotch.
The End
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